Exciting Times! Welcome to Mary Beth and Joelle.

After close to 20 years of working independently, I’ve found collaborators that share my approach to testing and supporting students across settings. I’m thrilled to introduce Mary Beth Bechtel, M.A. and Joelle Spencer, Ph.D. to In It 4 Kids. I’ve known and collaborated with both of these women for years and am honored that both have chosen to join me.

When we met, Mary Beth was working for a public school district in Virginia. We often spoke about kids we were working with (without sharing confidential information) in an effort to get another perspective. We sought to clarify kids’ complex profiles to provide better, more actionable recommendations. It was clear that we both valued the quantitative data from assessments, but also ALWAYS attended to and thought through how youngsters achieved those scores and how that mattered. Our conversations were animated and productive. You can learn more about Mary Beth here.

Joelle and I met in a very different way. She was the Director of Special Education and I was the private evaluator presenting data, clinical diagnoses, and my perspective of the youngsters’ vulnerabilities. Each time we were in meetings or on calls, we sought common ground with the students’ needs at the forefront of the conversation. These interactions can easily become contentious or uncomfortable, but Joelle’s professionalism enabled teams to create formal plans when school-based criteria were met and also worked with staff to support youngsters who were not considered eligible for Special Education. I was so honored when she asked if I would consider having her join my practice; I immediately and enthusiastically said yes. You can learn more about Joelle’s background here.

I’m thrilled to welcome Mary Beth and Joelle to my practice!

"Nature vs. Nurture" Isn't a Thing

Nature versus nurture isn’t a thing. They come wired. It’s not that nurture doesn’t matter; it certainly does, but we can’t change nature. Those little beings that we give birth to, or adopt, are who they are. Let me explain.

When my eldest was an infant, and for the first 2 years of her life, I was certain that I was a fantastic mother and that her sweet demeanor, amazing sleep schedule, and on track motor development reflected that. This belief became even stronger when my son was born. I toted him along to all of my daughter’s activities - he loved being held while she played and he often slept in his car seat/stroller at nap time. MY parenting caused them to be happy, easy kids who took daily naps and had been sleeping through the night since each of them was 4 months old. I was rocking this parenting thing - all those years babysitting, being a camp counselor, and studying to be a psychologist were paying off.  

And then my son turned 2½. 

Here’s the thing. Just after my son was born, it was clear that he was a different baby than his sister. Both were easy, but in different ways. But as they grew older and their little beings matured, it became impossible to believe that I was responsible for their very different trajectories. She remained easy...did what was expected, followed rules, played well with others, smiled for photos, etc. He was another story...fabulous motor development, astounding sleeper (4 hour naps until kindergarten!), refused to be in photos, and had epic meltdowns - at home, at preschool, and in public places. I soothed, set limits, consulted (and argued) with experts, developed and implemented behavior plans...and cried. How could this be?

I have come to understand that our children come to us with their own unique make-ups. It is clear that neglect, trauma, and all forms of abuse can constrict and damage a child’s development. What is also now clear to me is that adequate, good enough, and even great parenting do not guarantee that your child(ren) will always follow the rules, demonstrate respect toward others (even teachers and loving grandparents!), earn high grades, or otherwise refrain from embarrassing you in public. While it’s tempting, taking credit for your child(ren)’s good/great/amazing behavior is ill advised. If you do, that also means that you are responsible for the tantrums/mistakes/errors in judgement that are sure to come along. 

Parenting is important - we are given the opportunity and awesome responsibility of guiding helpless little beings as they grow and develop into (hopefully) their own best selves. To do so, we must recognize each as an individual and foster their growth based on their own unique strengths and needs. But no matter how well we do that, some kids will always be harder to raise than others and even with the extra time, effort, love, and firmly held boundaries, it will occasionally (or more frequently) be a nightmare.

You see, having spent 23 years in school so I could become a Psychologist, followed by 19 years as the mother of 3 VERY different kids, I now know that “nature versus nurture” isn’t a thing. 

Help for kids in General Ed - good explanation of "issues" with RTI

This article offers an explanation of RTI (Response to Intervention).  For those of you who have kids who have been "invited" to participate in before or after school small group instruction, it's probably a program associated with RTI.  Such programs are meant to help those kids who just need extra instruction in a small group setting.  The theory is that if the extra help is enough, the child does not need to be tested for a learning disability.  This article http://blogs.edweek.org/edweek/speced/2011/12/when_districts_first_started_a.html provides some information about the difficulties associated with RTI.  

What the doesn't mention is the importance of the timing for individual students.  If the child is provided with RTI in 1st grade, there is adequate time to determine the effectiveness of the small group instruction.  However, past 2nd grade, significant struggles need research-based, intensive intervention that cannot generally be proviced by general education staff before of after school and testing is necessary to determine how best to proceed.

American Academy of Pediatrics Supports Psych Evals for AD/HD Diagnosis

Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) made news in the world of parenting because they published an article on Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD).  Unfortunately, articles on the internet tend to boil things down beyond basic, often leaving out crucial details and making errors by misinterpreting information.  Here’s what they actually said and why it matters.
The article is entitled “ADHD:  Clinical Practice Guideline for the Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children and Adolescents.”  If you’d like to find the source material, here it is:  http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2011/10/14/peds.2011-2654.full.pdf

Here are the 6 Key Action Statements with some interpretation and comments:

1. Children, between the ages of 4 and 18, who are exhibiting signs of academic or behavioral difficulties, including inattention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity, should be evaluated for ADHD.
   • This does NOT mean that a slew of 4-year-olds should be diagnosed and medicated.

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Self-Esteem Is Not a Gift

Parenting in 2009 is really hard – even my mother says so. Every decision is scrutinized and “what’s best” for the child seems to always be the goal. What ever happened to Winnicott’s notion of a “good-enough mother”? I ask this because there is so much angst in parenting today. What are we worrying about? Why are we trying to make all of the “best” decisions?

It’s all about “self-esteem.” Seems like a good goal, but people are going about it in really strange ways. All too often I hear things like:

• Too much competition can hurt self-esteem.
• Being the youngest in a class can be hard for him.
• Being the oldest/biggest/strongest boy will make him more confident.
• Taking “enrichment” classes after school will make her feel smarter.

Really?

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